vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
