So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They took my balls.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize