You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
