so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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