you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
