Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize