I am in a vortex of obligation.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
