meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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