mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
