you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
