Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
how does that bad decision feel?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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