Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
