I just pynch a tree in the face
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
