every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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