since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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