I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
