Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
