so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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