His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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