why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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