so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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