i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We're too hungover to prance.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
