If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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