Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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