so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
