Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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