I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
