he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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