Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
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