Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize