She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
