Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need water and some morals
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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