yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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