You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
