No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
