I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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