i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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