that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
