dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
