Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
