well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
