i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
