a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
