i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
