nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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