one two three fourrrrnication!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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