I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
