Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
