I just saw a hot homeless man
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Text me some of your sweat
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize