I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
