Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
