is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
