Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
