Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I woke up under a house in Key West
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
