In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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