No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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