My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
