Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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