8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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