very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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