sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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