I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How naked do you want me to be?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
