dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
