I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
