well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
