Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
