I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
