How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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