I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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