Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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